Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
