your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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