I have demons in me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Someone came in the potted fern
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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