i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
