Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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