just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
