Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
