Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
