Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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