That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
