do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
