I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
