Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
