All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
