If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
