Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
