I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
