DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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