Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
