i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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