Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
