Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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