oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
