I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
