worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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