Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
