you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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