Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
