No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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