Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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