Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
