I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
