Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
