we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
