his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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