3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
