A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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