Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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