Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
