Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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