Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
