This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
