bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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