It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
being pregnant is like rehab
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
