Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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