Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
