he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
