Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize