He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
