I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
