Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
