I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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