I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
