Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
