I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
