yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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