I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
