when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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