The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
do herpes really smell.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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