you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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