You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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