I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
