Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
