In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
