Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
