Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
