I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
