my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
