it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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