I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
