I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
