between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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