Whatcha textin bout Willis?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
