i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
