didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
