I wannas sexs uuuuu
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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