Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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