Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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