I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
