i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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